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My father, in an effort to finally get what he wanted for the holidays this year, went out and bought himself a GPS - a Garmin nüvi 650. So we were home the other week and we got to ride in the newly outfitted GPS-enabled DadCar.

Before I launch into my first full-on GPS experience, let me say this about that, we were testing under tightly controlled conditions. Specifically, we are going to my grandmother’s apartment to pick her up for dinner. My grandmother (aka: MeeMaw) lives 5 minutes away. If you go the long way, it’s double that. She’s lived in the same place since I was 14. I’m more than double that. Dad immediately turns on the GPS.

She (the GPS, not MeeMaw, we haven’t gotten to MeeMaw yet) greets Dad politely, but I have to wonder what she’s thinking under all the complex circuitry.

What she says/What she probably means
Welcome!/Oh, not you again. Seriously? Where are going now? Nashville? I like Nashville? How about Colorado. I’ve never been to the Rockies. Bet it’s pretty. MeeMaw’s?! Again?! Fine. Whatever. I hate this job.

Dad: You’ll love my new GPS!

Turn right at next intersection./Because without me you couldn’t find your way out of the subdivision you’ve lived in for nearly 30 years.

Turn left ahead half mile/Like you have every day for the longer than the average human can count, which is to 10, if they take off their socks.

Turn left at the next intersection. Then make a left./Because it’s completely non-intuitive that you’re getting onto the highway. You’re lucky I’m here. Actually, I’m starting to think that without GPSs like me, the entire human race would fall into ruin and decay, because they’d just never get anyway. They’d drive around in…whoops.

Turn left now./…Almost missed my turn. As I was saying, they’d drive round in circles…

Right exit in 2 miles./That should keep you busy for a minute. I do like this sports radio station though. Very appealing. I really think Miami can go winless this season. Wouldn’t that be something? Oooh, college basketball, my favorite. Wouldn’t mind shooting the hoops a bit myself, if I had arms.

Right turn in 1/2 mile. ./Just in case you forgot what I told you a minute and a half ago. Do you know, if you don’t get off, we could go to Cincinnati. Or Pittsburgh. You could take me to a Steelers game. Wouldn’t that be fine? I’d have my yellow-bellied Terrible Towel….

Right turn now/ Or you could just turn now and go to MeeMaw’s. MeeMaw is very nice. She a bit of a talker though. Actually everybody in your family talks constantly. When they’re in the car, mostly they talk about me. I like that part.

You have reached your destination/Let’s take MeeMaw and go to Mexico!

So the good news is my dad’s GPS likes sports. I approve. The GPS picked the quickest way to MeeMaw. Plus. When we veered off course (which did not happen this trip, but did happen while I was in town), the GPS fairly quickly recalculated the route. It’s initial response to our “bad turn” was to suggest we U-Turn, but when we persisted in our course, it recalculated the route. The thing we didn’t do was try to come back the suggested route to see if it was quicker.

GPSs are one-way street aware, which makes them better than the average map. We didn’t hit any toll roads, so I can’t state from personal experience if it warns you about that. I’d love to see an integrated weather center so you could program your GPS to help you find the best way to your destination with as minimal weather interruption as possible, but I think that might be a ways off.

Takeaways? While the advantage of the GPS in your own backyard is perhaps debatable, but the advantage of the GPS on the road, in unfamiliar territory is less so. Sure, there’s mapquest, google maps, road atlases, and my husband’s personal favorite, the on-board navigator (me); but there’s a real advantage to not having to read a map, particularly if a) you’re driving or b) you or your personal on-board navigator is, like the majority of people, prone to car sickness when reading or c) it’s night time.

Here’s a funny clip on what our GPS must think of us: